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Jokes about the Poles and the British

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The image of Poland in Polish jokes

Poland and jokes

Do you know jokes about Poles and the British? Polish men and women are known all around the world for various reasons. No matter where they are, they awake interest and attention. Therefore, a lot of jokes about them has been created. Both Poland and Poles are in fact quite humorous and don’t get offended easily. Jokes are meant to make people laugh and there is nothing better for you! There are thousands of jokes that can be divided into categories.

Jokes about Poles in road traffic 

What is the most common complaint in Poland on the road:
- He violated my right of way!

***
A Turk is driving on a highway when he suddenly notices a flat tyre. When he is just about to change the wheel, a Polish guy approaches him, gets out, goes to the Turk, gets in his car and pulls out the radio. The Turk says: 'Hey man, are you crazy?!' The Polish guy replies: 'Shush! I take the radio and you take the tyres!'

***
Three pilots meet - an English, a French and a Polish.
They talk about the navigation in zero visibility.
The Englishman: "No problem! If I do not know where I am, I keep my arm out the window. When I feel the Big Ben, I'm in London. "
The Frenchman: "No problem. Arm out the window, aha, the Eiffel Tower, I am in Paris. "
Pole: "No problem. Arm out the window, arm back in, my watch gone , okay, I am in Warsaw. "

***
What have you got against the Poles? A good car insurance!!

***
Two Polish lorry drivers approach a bridge with a sign reading "2.20 meters". They stop and ponder. "Hmm, our truck is 2.80 high. What do we do now?" The second driver turns around and says: "Fuck it, there is no police around ..."

Polish jokes about with food and drink

What's the difference between a Polish wedding and a funeral?
On the latter, you're less drunk.

Polish folks like jokes and funny stories. Although they are sometimes regarded as having pessimistic attitude towards life, in reality it is rarely the case. If you are in a club, restaurant, car, bus or train you can immediately notice smiling people telling funny stories. Sometimes you ask yourself why are the Polish jokes usually negative. The answer is very easy! To be funny a joke must be hundred percent absurd.

And linguistic jokes

A Polish guy married an English girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She is going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got a proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought a bottle at a chemist and put it on shelf in the bathroom. It reads "Polish Remover."

Jokes about the British

Nobody cares if a joke is true. There are e.g. hundreds of jokes about blondes which have nothing to do with the reality. Telling a joke in which blondes were attractive and just as smart as brunettes would be pointless. It just wouldn’t be funny. Do you know that there are also funny jokes about the UK? Oh, yes!

In Heaven the police are Swiss, the girls are French & the food is Italian.
In Hell, the police are German, the girls are Russian & the food is English. (from http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/1430326?oo=41647924)

***
As part of an effort to crack down on terrorist activity within Britain, Prime Minister has instituted a new series of tests that any applicant for British citizenship must pass: 

- The ability to express the full range of human emotion by gentle throat clearing.

- The ability to instinctively know if it's tea first or milk first. 

- The ability to praise the French while clearly indicating that since 1066 they've pretty much been a bunch of losers. 

- The ability to praise the Americans while clearly indicating that they got lucky that one time in the late 1700's. 

- The ability to colour in red those bits of the globe that still should properly belong to Britain (extra credit if the United States is included). 

And finally 

- The ability to utter the phrase "British Way of Life" without cracking even the hint of a smile. 
(from http://www.rationalskepticism.org/general-chat/foreign-jokes-about-the-english-british-t18093-120.html)

So it turns out that the British and Poles have something in common. There are hundreds of jokes about us and we both know how to have a good laugh at ourselves. Register with PolishHarmony and let the two countries have more in common ... Find a wonderful Polish woman and create a loving Polish-British relationship to have some fun together.

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